


starry nights

by euros



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: F/M, Heartbreak, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I wouldn't read it but I wrote it, It was just in my head and had to come out, Melancholy, Near Death Experiences, Pain, Sad, Zuko (Avatar) Angst, it's probably sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:15:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26282533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/euros/pseuds/euros
Summary: Katara comes to the Fire Nation as an ambassador for the Southern Water Tribe, She and Zuko spend their days together and fall asleep stargazing. But not everything ends up as it should.
Relationships: Aang/Katara (Avatar), Katara/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 25
Kudos: 38





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this because it kept bugging me. I don't expect it to be good. haha. Let me know what you think though.

He doesn’t think Katara could ever feel the same way about him as he does about her. He understands that she is kind and warmhearted and forgiving, but even though he knows this, and he knows he has earned her forgiveness, he doesn’t think she could ever fall in love with him. Her forgiveness does not erase his past; he hunted their group from one end of the earth to the other, throwing flames and yelling insults. For months, his face was the only face she knew of the enemy; the angry boy with a nasty scar and a bad haircut. Later, in the abandoned earth village, he rejected her offer to help his uncle, instead he slashed orange fire over her head. Even after she offered him peace, with one hand against his scar and a vial of healing water in her other hand, he helped his sister take Ba Sing Se. Worst of all, he sent an assassin after Aang. He prioritized his own safety over theirs.

He doesn’t expect her forgiveness to erase his past actions. 

If he hates himself, how could anyone love him? But he knows he loves her, yet he is content that these feelings are not brought to fruition, he is afraid that he could not do her justice, he could not be everything she deserves. She deserves more than what he has to offer her because he is flawed and emotional and volatile. Not to say she is perfect, simply that she should have a partner in life who is more patient than temperamental. 

He’s not sure when he fell in love with her. He remembers her ferocity at the North Pole, beneath the velvet sky and the full moon, when she gave him the fight of a lifetime. He dreams about her hand on his scar and the glow of the crystals, and her bravery facing Yon Rha in the brutal rain, he is still impressed by the way she released the icicles and walked away. He recalls her healing hands on his sore lighting wound.

Time passes and he remains content with their distant friendship they way it is.

But after she and Aang break up, he offers that she stay in the Fire Nation as the Ambassador to the Southern Water Tribe. But she does more than just that, she jumps into politics whole heartedly. He’s dazed when he sees the sparkle in her eyes as they discuss a project to improve hospitals and educate doctors across his Nation. Her energy is contagious, and soon enthusiasm replaces the hopelessness that consumed him. They are an unstoppable team. The Fire Nation and the Southern Water Tribe flourish with Zuko and Katara’s joint projects creating stability and prosperity. They discover they still enjoy working with each other, and soon, the two of them spend every spare minute they have together. 

They take walks on the cobblestone streets and pass vendors selling scarves and jewelry and shoes and everything imaginable. They chat with the people of his nation and smile softly at each other when they see small children playing and elderly women laughing and families eating dinner. They spend their dinners arguing passionately and laughing heartily. On breezy evenings, they savour peaches and whipped cream while watching the summer sunset and listening to cicadas buzzing in the trees. They point out constellations as the little lights sparkle and glitter above them. 

She tells him she loves the starry nights. He says he loves them too.

And slowly, their relationship becomes something else. He wonders if she feels it too or if it’s all in his imagination. Perhaps it’s not; she slips her hand into his, she cuddles into his chest when he puts his arm around her waist, and they fall asleep in the gardens stargazing with her head on his shoulder. The way she confides in him every hope and dream that she has and the way she listens to him explain the turtle ducks' names, makes him think it’s real, but it's the warmth in her eyes that makes it feel special. And her giggles when he makes a lame joke or acts dorky soothes the cuts on his heart. 

He thinks of her smile and his heart flutters against his chest as though a hummingbird has made his chest it’s home. He wonders what this is, what they have, it’s something he can’t describe. He must ask her out, he must tell her that she is his heart and soul or let it eat him alive.

He wants to spend the rest of his life with her, he already knows that, but what if that is too much too fast? What if his feelings are a burden to her, what if she feels obligated to try to return his feelings? That’s the last thing he wants. And what if she doesn’t love him at all? What if he wrecks their relationship?

But then she stands just a little too close and she places her cool hands in his hot cheeks and tells him he’s brave and he knows she must feel it too, this indescribable something. 

He squeezes his head in his hands. Should he kiss her? That’s romantic, he thinks. But he doesn’t think she would appreciate that out of the blue. 

He must tell her. His cheeks heat with anticipated embarrassment. He thinks he has no right to these feelings, but he is a man who follows his heart. 

So he gathers up his courage and takes her to a lovely lake in the mountains, the sun reflects off the clear surface and they splash around and spar for a couple hours. It's when they spread out the picnic that he tells her. He fumbles over his words and he mixes up his phrases and he sounds stupid, but for some reason she smiles affectionately and tell him she likes him. He thinks his heart might burst.

“May I kiss you?” He asks.

“Yes,” she whispers as pink spreads across her cheeks. 

When they kiss, he cups her face delicately in his hands and presses his lips to hers almost desperately, but sweetly. 

They spend three blissful months deliriously happy. 

But as an ambassador she must return home on occasion, because she must hear her people’s voices. 

When she leaves he holds a hand over his heart and says to her: “you’ll be taking my heart with you.”

Around the time Katara leaves he receives word that his mother has been found in a small island village. He drops everything to see her, the child in him had never given up hope that she would return. He ignores the taunt in his head: “why hasn’t she already come home?” 

When he arrives in front of her home built of simple wood he holds the red, yellow and orange fire lilies so tightly he’s surprised the stems haven’t snapped under his grip.

He knocks timidly and he hears a clear, bell like laugh echo back to him. It’s his mother’s laugh, he could never forget that laugh, it reverberates from his childhood like a gong. He's elated and he’s shaking and he can’t believe it. The lilies don’t combus,  _ thank goodness _ he thinks, as sweat gathers on his palms. 

Finally, she opens the door. 

Her smile drops. 

“. . . Oh,”

Did she not recognize him? Was it the scar? His throat tightened. 

He choked out, “Mom, it’s me. It’s Zuko,” 

“Yes, yes, come in dear,” 

His hopes are plummeting and his thoughts take over, the events around him seem distant and hazey. His mother didn’t hug and kiss him and tell him she missed him. He missed her, but she doesn't seem to have missed him, and that hurts, but even worse, she has a new family and it stings, especially because he doesn’t fit in with them, and his mother tells him she wants to remain where she is. She doesn’t want to return with him, no, not even for him. He tries to be happy for her, for her new family, the husband and the son and the daughter, but he just feels replaced and thrown away. 

Just like Ozai chose Azula over Zuko, just like Azula chose power over Zuko, just like Uncle chose his tea shop in Ba Sing Se over Zuko. 

Zuko returns to Caldera drained and miserable, but he sits under the starry night and imagines he and Katara are looking at the same stars though they are miles away. 

The letters he and Katara share sustain him for the lonely months that she is gone. And he doesn’t mention his mother, he wants to talk to her in person when she returns. Maybe she will have some good advice.

But one day, the letters become short and sparse. Perhaps she is upset with him. He brushes it off, she tells him when she is angry with him, and they can work through anything, they’ve done it before. 

When she returns she and Aang slide off Appa and land on the ground. He stops for a moment, his lungs caught mid breath, she’s beautiful, her hair sways in the wind and she brushes it out of her face. He runs forwards smiling and slips his arms around her waist and pulls her into his arms. His body freefalls, his heart soars, his voice fails him and her smile fills him with warmth and contentment like no one else can. Her lavender and jasmine perfume wafts up and the stress of the day is long forgotten in her mere presence. He whispers, “I missed you,” in her ear.

She doesn’t reply. 

He's drunk on joy and doesn't notice the glare Aang shoots him. 

Zuko looks at her expectantly and she gives him a slight smile without really looking him in the eye. He’s a little thrown, but quickly Aang pulls him into a hug as well. 

He invites Katara to have dinner with him, just as they did before.

His fingers brush the engagement comb he carved out of whale bone for her. He sighs in relief when he discovers that it’s still in his pocket. He’s afraid he will lose somewhere. His fingers trace the inscription on the silver and blue comb: “I’ll love you forever and always—Zuko.” 

When Katara arrives twiddling her fingers and twisting her hair he doesn’t register her behavior. He’s trying to remember his speech, the one he spent months perfecting. But this is Katara, his best friend and partner and girlfriend. He soothes his nerves. 

He smiles his big dorky grin and pulls out a chair for her. She doesn’t sit though, instead she stands awkwardly to the side and looks at the floor. 

“I have to tell you something. Something I couldn’t write in a letter,” she starts.

He waits expectantly as she takes a deep breath. She pulls her palms together.

“I got back together with Aang. We’re engaged.”

He must have misheard.

“What,”

“He needs m—I mean. . .I mean I love him,” 

Zuko’s eyes widen in shock. She means it. 

“But—What about us—I don't understand—we’re together,” 

“No, we’re not anymore. I’m sorry Zuko.”

His hands are numb and tingling. His thoughts fog up, all except for one, and his focus is laser sharp on that one thought: she’s leaving him.  _ She’s leaving him.  _ It’s a dagger slicing that thumping thing in his chest, the thing she had so recently sutured back together. But here she is, ripping the stitches back out and tossing scalding lemon juice on the raw wounds. 

She crushes the delicate blossoms of hope and love in this bruised and beaten heart of his. 

She turns to leave and he puts a hand on her shoulder.

“Don’t you love me?” He asks. 

His eyes beg her to tell him yes, and tell him this is all a nightmare.

But instead she says

“I love Aang, you and I . . . we wouldn’t work.”

“Katara . . . “ He begins, but he is at a loss for words. She’s slipping away, he can’t process let alone think. Katara is the most loyal person he knows, she wouldn't do this. He knows she wouldn’t. But that doesn’t change that she is doing it. 

“Goodbye Zuko.”

“Please, No.”

He wants to fight. He wants to argue. He wants to demand  _ why _ \--but it all catches in his throat and he cannot begin to express his feelings and thoughts in words.

She leaves. 

His heart shatters. 

He leaves the dining room and the meals under their silver covers are forgotten.

He runs to the bathroom and hunches over the sink. He stands up straight and looks in the mirror and runs two fingers over the edge of his scar, wondering if he wasn’t who he was, if Katara would stay with him. He punches the mirror with his fist and cries out in pain when the shards cut his hand to shreds.

Then he burns down a whole room; he orders the servants to take care of both as discreetly as possible. He’s embarrassed and ashamed that he couldn’t control his own emotions and that he can’t handle this like an adult. Despair over powers the guilt and mortification and frustration. He lies in his bed, his body as fatigued as though fought in battle, he has no inclination to leave and he wants to stay there indefinitely, but he has duties. The next day, it takes enormous willpower to move his weary leaden limbs from the safety of his slumber. A migraine pounds on his head, but he returns to work anyway.

He avoids Katara and Aang for most of their visit, but it is inevitable that they meet. 

Aang tells him he wants to have the wedding there at the palace. 

“To show peace and unity! ” He says, his enthusiasm only irritating Zuko.

“Great, do what you want,” he snaps moodily. He chastises himself in his head. 

“Awesome, thanks Zuko,” he pats him on the back before running off to tell Katara he found a wedding venue.

The councilors tell him he too must marry. They choose a vapid, selfish woman who is little other than pretty and well bred. He kneels down while she sits, and he holds her hands gently in his. He tells her he thinks, despite the arranged marriage, they can have a good marriage, one in which they respect each other and care for the other. He tells her he will be the best husband he can be. She tells him she’s not interested. 

He tries to get out of the marriage, but he and she have already signed agreements with her family. The contract is already in place. 

He hears her tell her friends he’s ugly and horrible and that she'd rather marry a bullfrog, but a bullfrog doesn’t come with the same perks, like money and power.

Just two months later, he watches the woman with whom he had imagined his life with, promise to spend it with someone else. He’s physically ill for most of the ceremony and he can hardly breathe. He hopes all the way to the last second, until right before “ I do ” that she will flee the altar, the Fire sage, and Aang and run back to him. But she doesn’t, and his dreams of raising children with blue eyes and pale skin and wavy black hair, dies.

He sweeps his daydreams to a far corner in his mind. Dreams of cuddling in front of the hearth in an igloo during a blizzard, watching their children laugh and giggle and play together, of tea during the day and family meals at night, of waking up to see her face in the mornings, of beach trips to Ember Island and stolen kisses and sweet nothings whispered under starry nights.

The dream of being able to call Hakoda,  _ father  _ and Sokka,  _ brother _ . 

He must let her go. But he feels so empty without her

And so when the wedding reception begins he slips away, he can’t take anymore.

He flees to the turtle duck pond and pulls out the comb that he had designed and carved and even inscribed himself. He was so proud of it before, but he realizes now how far from perfect it truly is. The bone is uneven in places and the silver and blue details he added look childish. The inscription’s letters are sharp and unruly. He hates the comb, yet he doesn’t want to let it go. He knows he has to, she is married now, and his feelings are wrong.

He drops the comb into the turtle duck pond. 

But letting go of the comb doesn’t mean he’s over her. He wants the pain to end. He can’t think anymore, he only feels and it’s only pain. It’s pain that consumes every firing nerve in his body. The tears come hot and fast. before he knows it, he’s on the edge of the tallest building around. Distantly he can hear the sound of joyful laughter and cheerful music and chattering voices, but he’s in his own isolated bubble and he doesn’t listen. It begins to rain in great sheets. 

Vaguely he hears someone call his name, but he’s already lost in his world of pain. 

He steps closer to the edge. 

It’s slippery, and he eyes the edge carefully so he could fall . . . or jump. At the moment, he doesn’t quite understand what that means, but he knows it would end the turmoil. He squeezes his eyes and more tears fall, and he takes a deep breath.

He takes another step closer. 

His toes now hang over the edge.

The voice calls again. 

Finally he turns his face, red with tears, towards the voice. 


	2. Announcement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Announcement.

Hello I’m back. And I’m so so sorry, this is actually an announcement. I think I’ve decided that I’m going to return to this story—but not here. I’m going to start a new multi chapter fic which I will call « dancing with your ghost. »

So keep an eye out for that, and on that or here please let me know if you’re still interested. I think I know where I’m going with it and I think I will do shorter Drabble-like chapters of at least 250 words and at most 1,000? This way I hope I can update more often. However, I do need to know if this story is still of interest to people because I am super super busy. And I’m really burnt out. I can’t guarantee consistent updates, but I’d there is interest I am more likely to be motivated haha. Thank you all for the enthusiastic response I got before! It means so much to me. :)   
I hope all is well with you! 

**Author's Note:**

> If by any chance you enjoyed this, please let me know in the comments whether or if you would like an expansion into a longer fic, remain this short fic (probably will be two or three chapters), or if if you'd like to see Katara's point of view. Or both expanded and including Katara's point of view.  
> Now I should go study since this is out of my head and I can actually focus. :)


End file.
